Thursday, 16 May 2013

Rookie mistakes

I've just been spewed on, and it's entirely my own fault. I made a rookie mistake. Two, in fact. Which got me to thinking (and reaching for a spew rag): what are the other mistakes we've made as new parents? I'm not talking anything life threatening, like slipping in the shower whilst holding your precious one, or them hitting their head on the bathroom floor whilst you take a much needed loo break (*cough*). Just the things that those of use new to the game do that make our already tricky lives that much harder. Try to guess which ones I did today...
  1. Saying, "Oh, he sleeps really well!". Have you heard of a jinx? Yeah, well it applies to babies tenfold. NEVER say something is a certain way, because the little sweetheart will turn around and change faster than your friends can say "I guess they don't need that lasagna I cooked them after all...".
  2. Not having a spew rag in every pocket, next to every seat, on every table, in your hand at all times... I remember visiting a friend and her baby when I was pregnant and there seemed to be those little buggers everywhere, and I thought to myself, "What's with all the little flannels all over the place? Surely babies don't spew that much?". It aint the amount, it's the frequency. Also, it's the amount.
  3. Thinking the same thing will fix the same situation again. Last time bubba cried, you sang a lullaby and he fell straight to sleep. This time, that same lullaby caused him to scream louder. Tomorrow, combined with a different kind of rocking, it will work again. Build up your arsenal and hit him with everything you've got. Something has to work eventually.
  4. Tossing your baby in the air (still holding him, of course) just after a big feed. I have literally had my baby chuck into my mouth. Not an experience I want to repeat, and yet...
  5. Razzing up your baby before bed is often a daddy mistake, mainly because he misses out on all the fun during the day (love a good morning razz-up). It's fun at the time, but de-yippifying your child after than takes the full arsenal (see above).
  6. You need a wee. Your baby is playing happily. You sneak past, settle down and start to relax when... "Waaaaa!". He's either noticed you've left, or fallen face first onto the only area around him that doesn't have a cushion on it. Your choices are hold it til someone comes over or learn to tune it out. 
  7. I came back into the room yesterday to find last year's tax records torn apart and half chewed. Note to self: if you don't want it et, put it away (to be fair, it was on the coffee table. I'm still not sure how he grabbed it. Can my son already walk but is pretending otherwise so he can attack my important paperwork? *Shudder*).
  8. Similarly, you can vaccum the entire house and your baby will find the one thing that you missed. And it's usually the exact diameter of his airway.
  9. Ditto shopping list. I had to dig our part of my Ikea shopping list from his mouth yesterday.
  10. Thinking your child is the cutest baby every to have graced this green earth. Rookie mistake. MY baby is the cutest baby ever to have graced this green earth. Sorry.

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