This is one of those Facebook statuses I posted when I was trapped by a sleeping baby with nothing but the iPad to pass the time. O was about 11 weeks old at the time, so sleep for everyone was less frequent than it used to be...
I'm inventing a new game show: the Baby Show, where parents compete to win an 8 hour sleep. It consists of the following challenges (based on the first 3 months. Challenges for subsequent months coming soon):
- Leave the house before 12pm. Bonus points for leaving the house in the first shirt put on.
- Change a nappy in a public toilet that has a concrete floor, no basin and no change table. Bonus points for not throwing a used nappy at the ceiling to see if shit sticks.
- Make yourself a nutritious lunch and eat it before bebe wakes one of seventeen times during his nap. Bonus points for hot food.
- Successfully feed a baby who is crying and refusing food because he's so hungry. Bonus points for not muttering sarcastic remarks.
- Change a nappy and soothe your crying baby without waking from your dream where you are a 16 yo BMX bandit foiling a jewel thief. Bonus points if you dodge the pee.
- Stay up past midnight on New Year's Eve. Bonus points if you make it to bed before midnight on Jan 1 when all you're doing is kicking around the house.
- Drink every cup of tea or coffee you make throughout the day. Bonus points for making espresso at least once.
- Go to a party and not discuss pregnancy, birth and everything that comes after, especially stories about poo. Bonus points if you can start a conversation about current events.
- Don't eat junk food before 2pm. Bonus points if you make it to 8pm.
- And finally, look at your little person and try not to smile. Good luck with that one; it's impossible.
I'm inventing a new game show: the Baby Show, where parents compete to win an 8 hour sleep. It consists of the following challenges (based on the first 3 months. Challenges for subsequent months coming soon):
- Leave the house before 12pm. Bonus points for leaving the house in the first shirt put on.
- Change a nappy in a public toilet that has a concrete floor, no basin and no change table. Bonus points for not throwing a used nappy at the ceiling to see if shit sticks.
- Make yourself a nutritious lunch and eat it before bebe wakes one of seventeen times during his nap. Bonus points for hot food.
- Successfully feed a baby who is crying and refusing food because he's so hungry. Bonus points for not muttering sarcastic remarks.
- Change a nappy and soothe your crying baby without waking from your dream where you are a 16 yo BMX bandit foiling a jewel thief. Bonus points if you dodge the pee.
- Stay up past midnight on New Year's Eve. Bonus points if you make it to bed before midnight on Jan 1 when all you're doing is kicking around the house.
- Drink every cup of tea or coffee you make throughout the day. Bonus points for making espresso at least once.
- Go to a party and not discuss pregnancy, birth and everything that comes after, especially stories about poo. Bonus points if you can start a conversation about current events.
- Don't eat junk food before 2pm. Bonus points if you make it to 8pm.
- And finally, look at your little person and try not to smile. Good luck with that one; it's impossible.
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