Thursday, 7 March 2013

Things you will worry about

From the moment you find out you are pregnant, Mummy Worry kicks in (the sister of Mummy Guilt, but that's a whole other post). There is also Daddy Worry and Daddy Guilt, but I wont speak for dads. I'm not usually a worrier, but pregnancy had me hand-wringing on more than one occasion. Here are ten of the things you are likely to worry about during your pregnancy (in no particular order):
  1. That hangover you had? Yeah, that was morning sickness. And did you have to order cocktails with raw egg in them? Because what the alcohol needed was a risk of salmonella on top of it... Seriously, it's done. All you can do now is avoid egg-based cocktails. Well, all cocktails, actually. And all other alcohol. But you know the drill. Babies are pretty resilient, anyway: I had no idea I was pregnant over Christmas and New Year, and unless they were by the book, most of your friends will have similar stories (unless they're Mormon, Muslim...)
  2. The ham you ate last week because you really missed it. But it was freshly sliced from a reputable deli, and you only ate 2 slices, both from the middle...
  3. You limp to the magical 12 weeks, only to suddenly recall every story you have ever read/seen/heard about the zillion other complications that can happen between now and labour... Deep breaths, deep breaths. Apart from following the guidelines and advice from your midwife/GP/OBGY, and reconsidering a third Kit Kat for the day, you have no control over this. Let it go and you will sleep better, I promise.
  4. Labour. Seriously, don't worry about it. Like it or not, that baby is going to come out of you, and it ain't gonna be easy. Stay away from shows like "One Born Every Minute" and don't listen to other people's stories; just because theirs felt like a tickle or like they were having their very own John Hurt moment doesn't mean your experience will be anything like it. Just surround yourself with people who will chant "You can do it!" whenever you give them the look.
  5. Living off Barbecue Shapes and Kit Kats? Meh! If you aren't providing your baby with what he needs from your oral intake, he'll leech it out of your very bones. Try to eat at least one vegetable a day so you don't feel completely shithouse.
  6. So you worry about how much baby weight you are gaining? Don't bother. Unless you are eating Hungry Jacks 6 meals a day, it really is out of your hands. As for losing it later, forget about that until your baby has at least started solids. You think you're hungry now. Breast feeding is a whole other ball game in the snacking stakes. The local supermarket can barely keep up.
  7. Oh God. Will my feet change size? (this was a big one for me, and Imedla Marcos). For the first 6 weeks you rarely don shoes. Then you have Mummy Worry related to carrying your baby whilst wearing heels, so you live in flats anyway. You kid yourself for the first 4 months that you will be going somewhere without your wee one that necessitates frocking up. Then reality sets in and you do a massive Salvos run, then avoid the shoe department in every store you go to. If you need a shoe-buying fix, buy your baby some. Not that he'll need to wear any for ages. They're just so darn cute!
  8. Will my baby be born with a disability? They can't test for everything, and the tests that they can do aren't very accurate anyway. Try not to waste cortisol on it.
  9. Am I a bad person for hoping my baby wont be born with a disability? No. And that doesn't mean if your child does have a disability you will love him any less, or that you take issue with disability. 
  10. Will my baby be cute? The answer to that one is easy: yes, but not as cute as mine.
And this one is for the benefit of my husband, who busted me Googling it on more than one occasion and had to listen to me obsess over it: the effect of vitamin A (obtained predominantly from the buckets of Milo I consumed) on my unborn baby. What a waste of energy that was. Firstly  there is bugger all information out there about it, and no credible research. Secondly, it didn't stop me. Thirdly, he's okay!

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